Without L there is no Light
by Looshk
Summary: L knows he's going to die today. Human emotion has always been a bit of a mystery to him and before he goes he has some questions for Light.


All I can be certain of is that very soon...  
I'm going to die...

L wandered out onto the roof of the headquarters under a dark sky just waiting to burst into a rainstorm.  
He looked over the side down at people passing by...  
They looked so small, he wondered about each of them...  
About their lives, if they had families, kids...  
Love?  
The clouds burst letting millions of drops like diamonds fall to earth.  
It started to rain...  
Lightly at first, then heavier and heavier until it was pouring...  
Rain fell all around L soaking his hair and skin and making his clothes stick to him.  
He didn't like sunshine very much.  
Reminded him too much of happiness, joy...  
All the things his lifestyle didn't allow him much of.  
With his thumb to his lips he wondered about this...  
/There's no point thinking about it. How much longer will it matter for after all.../

While looking off into the sky wondering when and how it would happen he heard someone approach and turning his head slightly saw Light standing there.  
"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?"  
Not quite hearing L gestured for him to repeat it again.  
Light asking louder this time repeated.  
"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?"  
And making fun L smiled and once again gestured for him to repeat himself.  
Not understanding what L could be doing out on the roof alone, Light walks out to him once again enquiring.  
"What are you doing Ryuzaki?"  
"Oh I'm not doing anything in particular... It's just... I hear the bell..."  
Light lifts his hand up to shield his eyes from the ongoing rain.  
"The bell?"  
L briefly making eye contact looks upwards.  
"Yes... The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today..."  
Light looks briefly away.  
"Uh... I don't hear anything..."  
"Really? You can't hear it, it's been ringing non stop all day... I find it very distracting... I wonder if it's a church... A wedding or perhaps a..."  
"What are you getting at Ryuzaki? Come on cut it out lets get back inside."  
L looked down again.  
"I'm sorry... Nothing I say makes sense anyway... If I were you I wouldn't believe any of it..."  
Still staring at the ground his eyes were open wide as if contemplating his grim fate.  
Trying to ease the situation a little Light smiled agreeing with him.  
"You know you're probably right... Honestly most of the things you say sound like complete nonsense, there'd be no end to my troubles if I actually took you seriously all the time. I probably know that better than anyone..."  
"Yes... I would say that's a fair assessment... But, I could say the same about you..."  
"Really? What's that supposed to mean?"  
L turned to face Light.  
"Tell me Light, from the moment you were born has there ever been a point were you've actually told the truth?"  
A heavy silence fell between the two men, the rain continued to fall all around them.  
"Where's this coming from Ryuzaki? I do admit I do stretch the truth here and there... However find me one person in this world thats never had to tell a lie, it wouldn't be easy. Human beings just aren't made to be perfect like that. Everybody lies from time to time, even so I've always made a conscious effort to be careful not to tell a lie that could hurt others... That's my answer."  
L looked up towards Light and back down to the ground.  
"I had a feeling you'd say something like that..."  
He looked at the ground in front of him for a moment or two then taking a deep breath said.  
"Let's go back inside... We're both drenched..."  
Light nodded.  
"Yeah..."

Back inside both men were drying off, Light was sitting on the steps with his shoes off drying his hair with a towel when L emerged with a towel draped across his head announcing.  
"Well that was certainly an unpleasant outing..."  
Light slightly humoured by this comment kept drying his hair.  
"It's your own fault, I mean what did you expect?"  
"You're right... Sorry..."  
Staring over at Light now he takes the towel off his head and walks to where Lights feet are resting and picks one up to start drying it.  
Light now alarmed asks.  
"What are you doing?"  
L looks up innocently.  
"I thought I might help you out, you were busy wiping yourself off anyway..."  
"Look it it's fine you don't have to do that!"  
"I can give you a massage as well, it's the least I can do to atone for my sins... I'm actually pretty good at this..."  
Light still a bit uneasy gave in.  
"Fine, do what you want..."  
Now looking at Light's feet L settled down.  
"Alright..."  
Taking the towel he started to dry off Light's feet and hit a point that made Light wince.  
"Hey!"  
He stammered in alarm at the pain.  
L calmly replied.  
"You'll get used to it..."  
And continued to work on Light's feet.  
Light now noticing that L was still soaked grabbed a towel beside him sighing and reaching out dried the front of L's hair.  
"Here you're still soaked..."  
L wiped away the drips that had fallen from his hair to Light's feet.  
"I'm sorry."  
He continued to massage Light's feet thinking about his fate...  
"It'll be lonely won't it?"  
Light looked up meeting L's eyes.  
"Hmm?"  
L kept eye contact.  
"You and I will be parting ways soon..."  
Light knowing exactly what L was referring to kept his knowledge silent and guiltily locked away...  
"Shame really... There's so much I haven't done... So many things I wanted to try..."  
He was sitting on the stairs now turned away from Light.  
"What's it like Light?"  
Light looked at the back of L's head.  
"What's what like?"  
"Love."  
Light scratched his head.  
"I'm not sure I understand the question..."  
L looked down at his bare feet.  
"To be loved, how does it feel?"  
Light shrugged.  
"Uhm... I'm not totally sure how to explain that..."  
The black haired man sighed.  
"Oh... Okay then."

Suddenly L's cell phone rang.  
"Yes? I understand I'm on my way..."  
He hung up the phone and stood up.  
"Come on let's go Light... It seems like it's all worked out..."  
L went to move away when Light went up behind him and embraced him suddenly from behind.  
The black haired man stayed still, not sure what to make of this...  
Light turned L to face him and leaning in kissed him...  
Softly at first then harder, L's arms remained stiffly at his sides in shock as Light urged him to open his mouth a little.  
He did and felt Light's tongue enter his mouth exploring, little by little he relaxed, his eyes closed, his arms wrapped themselves around Light's neck and his tongue met Light's.  
It was like nothing he'd ever experienced...  
His mind seemed numb to the fear he'd been facing all day as his hands moved upwards towards Light's hair.  
At 25 years old...  
He wasn't ready to die...  
For all he knew he could already be written in the death note, he could have an hour, a minute...  
A second...  
Whatever...  
He was going to enjoy this regardless...  
Guilt was eating away at Light as he felt L's warmth in his arms, his lips, his skin...  
Soon that would be gone forever, and now that L's name was there in the death note...  
There was absolutely no way to change it...  
Light pulled away slowly opening his eyes again.  
Taking in L's thoughtful and perplexed expression.  
L stared at his feet and shooting Light a glance smiled.  
"They'll be wondering what's taking us so long."  
Light nodded now guilt ridden that he had made Ren write L's real name into the death note.

L walking in and seeing the rest of his team there got straight back down to business.  
He hunkered down in his chair and confirmed arrangements with Watari about the transportation of the death note.  
"In order to confirm that the thirteen day rule is in fact accurate, we're going to send it off and have two inmates try it out. Both of whom have been given the death penalty... Watari please make preparations to transport it straight away."  
Everyone seemed to object to the plan but before anyone could say much L put an end to it.  
"We're very close... If we work this out the entire case will be solved..."  
Over the speaker L could hear Watari struggling and before he knew what had happened every computer screen read.  
All data deletion  
L knew now his time was close, all around him his colleagues were panicking about what had just happened.  
But he had an odd sense of calm announcing.  
"I told Watari to make sure that he should erase all information in the event that something were to happen to him..."  
Ren passed them very fast death note in hand clearly ashamed of the actions that Light had forced him into doing...

L was then very still his face forming a mask of fear and knowing, the spoon he had been holding to eat the ice cream in front of him dropped from his hand and his chair toppled over...  
Quick as a flash Light caught him.  
There was panic all around them now...  
L looked into Light's eyes both afraid and sad...  
"I-I'm dying Light..."  
Light whispered the rule that had been running through his mind all day and that he now wished didn't exist...  
"Those who use the death note go to neither heaven or hell... But into nothingness..."  
What would've been the greatest victory of his life now turned itself into his greatest failure...  
L's eyes were beginning to close.  
"So this is... Goodbye...?"  
Tears rolled freely down Light's face now.  
"L... Forgive me... I wish this hadn't... I mean..."  
Smiling slightly he whispered shaking his head.  
"Thank you..."  
Then his eyes fell closed and his breathing stopped.  
Light became hysterical.  
"No... L... This, this can't happen! Wake up! For God's sake L wake up!"  
Tears streamed onto his friends lifeless face...  
As he realised he had just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life...  
Thoughts ran through his head like wildfire...  
/Revival? Could they revive him? Suicide? It won't matter... I won't be with him ever again... He never used the death note.../  
As this thought sunk in he put out his hands to his father so he could handcuff him.  
"I'm Kira..."  
"What?"  
Light looked down at L's lifeless body one more time.  
"He was right... And I killed him for it..."  
None of the officers knew quite what to do in this situation and while they were distracted Light grabbed his fathers gun from his hip.  
"Light no! Stop! We can sort this out..."  
Light held the gun to his temple.  
"I'm a monster... I deserve what I'm going to face... Nothingness for eternity... Fine... It's better than living in a world without him... I'm sorry for all I've done..."  
Then without warning he pulled the trigger and let himself fall into the blackness of eternity alone...


End file.
